I can honestly say – without reservation or pressure from outside parties – that I’m looking forward to cutting this off.
Ah, the mustache, that novelty collective of hair above the lip. The caterpillar, push broom, and soup-strainer below your nose that draws your (male) buddies’ attention, looks of approval, and various and assorted “nice”-es.
A large handful of dudes my age have resorted to growing flamboyant hair in one form or another on their faces. Events such as Movember come to mind. It’s a thing, due almost explicitly to the fact that it’s not a thing. What was once fashionable has become sort of a joke, a mild statement of individuality in the company of individuals.
It’s okay if that makes no sense, but perhaps this’ll help? Check out the link.
The wider, bushier, scragglier, and more I-don’t-care-esque, the better, it seems, and, hey, if one is a decent human being, who’s to be told what they can have on the chin, cheeks, or below the nose? Your mug, your decision, so go get ‘em, Grizzly Adams.
Anyway, I’m sort of veering from the topic here, that being that I’ve only grown one kind of facial hair, twice. The ‘stache. The, perhaps, crappiest looking of them all. That’s a matter of opinion, but I’m just going to take a stab and say that it isn’t every man’s dream in this day and age to rock the perfect cookie duster. HOWEVER, we do know that that wasn’t always the case. Just take a quick look at these.
As far as I know, Richard Petty has donned a lady tickler since the early 70s (though he’s scaled it down since then), and Dallas Buyers Club takes place in the mid-80s. And well-known personalities like Jeff Foxworthy, Ned Flanders…um…Yanni, and the guy from the third picture sported lip luggage through the 90s. Of course, it goes back way further than that. One can spot famous upper lipholstery from several historical eras. Just look at this Scythian BAMF from 300 BC.
And these other guys.
This is Joseph Stalin at 23.
Then, he grew up.
However, correct me if I’m wrong, but, after the roaring 90s, the trend, unless one’s trying to be ironic, has all but faded away, and, for me, the evidence lies in my two attempts to rock one. Just about everyone has hated it. Aside from my best friend (and fellow AMERICAN!) in Kazan, almost nobody in my office has approved of this thing. I Skyped with my parents on Saturday, and upon seeing my face, my own father declared, “That has to be the worst mustache I’ve ever seen.” A friend of mine mindfully declared in her lovely British English, “Yes, do discard the moustache.” And perhaps the most depressing straw that’s broken the camel’s back came from my nephew of merely four years, in a video his mother made: “Do you love your Uncle John?”…“Yeah, but he needs to cut it off.” Thanks, Will.
Okay, people, I get it. I know when a bromerang isn’t wanted, but what happened? At what point in these thousands of years of human history did Westerners realize they didn’t dig the smoke filter anymore? The change seems rather sudden, does it not? I mean, c’mon. Many Arabs associate the mouth brow with power, and folks in the Middle East have even undergone ‘stache transplants. Would it be outlandish to say that the modern, secular world no longer has room for the nose neighbor? Is this a defining aspect of East-West tension? Its connection to Ron Burgundy and child molesters probably doesn’t help, either.
Eh, I’m really not sure about it all. At the end of the day, two truths have to be accepted. The first is that fashions come and go. For one reason or another, something’s trendy one day, and the next day it isn’t. The second is, well, who cares? If you want it, do it ’cause it’s who you are, not what people want you to be. The more pressing issue in my mind is what the future holds for the lip sweater. In twenty years, what will its status be? What do you think? Have we reached the point of no return?
As for me, this thing’s kind of annoying, and “maintaining” it (yes, I used quotes) is more of a burden than its worth. So to the mirror I go.
Oh, and I’ll leave you with this.